Fluxtumblr

Diet Caffeine-Free Coke

• Matthew: diet caffeine free coke is one of the saddest beverages in the world
• ditto the Pepsi equiv
• Chris: basically it is a can that says I DON'T DESERVE PLEASURE
• Matthew: they should have little thorns on the can
• Chris: when you pop open the can, instead of hissing, it just sighs heavily
• if you put the can down on a pile of blank tax returns it will fill them all out for fun and then fall asleep
• Matthew: a hairshirt cozy
• Chris: when you bring it out on a boat, a strip of extremely heavy zinc sunblock will appear across its front from out of nowhere